Bad habits, over eating, not exercising, among many other things have let to my obesity. I am not only killing myself, but I am killing my family at the same time. My children are following my footsteps. My wife is overworked stressed and is gaining weight with me. If we don't do something now I feel like our lives will be cut very short. My home life is great. I have three beautiful daughters and a fantastic wife that I have been with for sixteen years. The weight gain started before I was married. In 8th grade I was already over 200 pounds. By the end of my school days I was 275. I am currently 365 pounds. Wow, that is not easy to say even on my computer.
I watch Biggest Loser on TV and tell myself there is no way I look that big. I am in total denial. I get motivated when I watch those shows and tell myself I am going to start tomorrow. It's like I have amnesia in the morning. I am once again unmotivated and finding myself on the couch over eating. It is a deadly cycle that millions of us fall into. When people look at me I feel they are only looking because of my size. I get frustrated sometimes and get into a bad mood because of my weight. I find myself taking it out on my family. I will be short tempered or just ignore them because I feel sorry for myself. What a jerk I am! My kids are the best in the world and when I get into a bad mood or feel depressed I will just not give them the time of day they deserve.
I decided to go to my doctor and see what he could do to help me. I went to my doctor last week for a full checkup and to ask about my recent weight gain. When I asked my doctor what can he do for my weight he paused for a minute and then said something that hit me very hard. He told me that he does not have a motivational pill to give me, that is something I need to find deep down inside of me. Wow, I was lost for words. I was here to try to get some help and the person I went to told me that he couldn't help me. He then began to talk to me about all of the options on the Internet. He said, Randy you need to get online and start doing some research on health, dieting, and maybe join a support group. Dr. D. also said I should find a friend to workout with. That would help greatly.
As I drove home I was in deep thought. What should I do? I went into my house and immediately jumped on the Internet. I spent over four hours looking for diets, groups , and a workout partner to help get me active again. There is so much information out there it is a little overwhelming. You spend a half hour reading about a site to only find out they want money from you in the end. What a shame. I spent most of my time looking for a group or match site for people that just want to exercise. All I found was a few hundred sites on dating, not one exercise site for finding a workout partner.
Update: 4/9/2011 I have been diagnosed with cancer in the last month. I have one small tumor in my head and two in my spine. Guess what? I still haven't lost the weight. My neurosurgeon said that I need to loose 60 pounds to even fit in the machine called a Gamma Knife. You would have thought I would be working on my weight in the last two years, but I actually gained weight. I did update my weight above.
So what do I do now? I've been depressed and staying awake all night and only sleeping a few hours during the day. I know this screwy schedule is the last thing I need, but my mind is all over the place. What about the kids, my wife, my 10 year term life that I purchased 9 years ago is expiring in January and they won't renew. I'm more worried about what will happen to my family than worried about myself.
We have currently been cutting expenses that we don't need. I got rid of a car that was costing us $575 a month and bought a used car for $6,000 to get rid of that payment. I have cut all of my old online subscriptions. You wouldn't believe we were paying over $220 a month in automatic withdraws for stuff that I haven't been using for over a year now. Obviously my mind was focused elsewhere, it's said that it takes a life event like this to make you look at your finances, family, goals, etc. We are barely getting by today and I was just throwing money away month after month.
I'm not looking for pity or for people to say they are sorry for me, I have built my life. What I am looking for are people that have struggles or even advice and just want to share them with me.
I have an appointment with my doctor this Tuesday. I will fill you in next week on the outcome.
It's empowering to be able to share a small part of my life with you. We all deserve to live better healthier lives. Some of us just need a little help to get there. I know I do...
I love you all. Randy
Friday, April 8, 2011
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